Diabetes Rehab Week 2 - Not so good

Av blood sugar 13.4

I knew that this week was going to be hard. I was out of the house all day, everyday apart from Wednesday and Saturday and this directly equated to not eating. It was also a fairly stressful week, I had my first tutorial at Oxford uni with the brilliant club key stage 2 kids which I thought was going to be way out of my comfort zone, I had to speak at a really important conference on Tuesday and attend another on Friday there was no day where I wasn't up at 6 and home before 9, I also had my first Circles meeting with a new client. Circles is a charity I volunteer with that supports young people with learning disabilities and sexually harmful behaviour. I also had my undergrads to teach and my Phd to work on. All in all it was hectic, chaotic, stressful and yesterday I spent the whole day in bed watching House and eating crap.

And this is at the crux of my problem, I want to do all this stuff no matter how out of my comfort zone it puts me, I was so nervous on Tuesday that I spent the hour before my presentation wondering if I was nervous or just low but I lost so many years to my Eating Disorder, so much opportunity that even 6 years into recovery I feel like I have to grab everything life throws at me with both hands. Unfortunately my natural state is that of anxiety so if I am in a stressful situation which I often am that level goes through the roof and my appetite out the door. I did't eat anything on Tuesday, the first thing to pass my lips was red wine despite this my sugar was high and I couldn't get it down. I also couldn't sleep despite being completely shattered. The only plus is that I successfully avoided binge drinking which is no mean feet for me in a week with this much stress going on. What is problematic is that my cough came back, my whole body is still in agony from the stuff I had to cart to Oxford and back. In essence my body feels like it's shutting down, it probably is

So my food intake was sporadic and inappropriate, I had one bad day where I didn't eat and 6 days where I did better on some than others and several readings in the 20s, breakfast was nowhere to be seen . And all of this is because my anxiety rules my diabetes behaviour. I should say at this point that although this week was busy it was great, I had a lot of fun and did some really important stuff. I want to keep doing that and I can't if I don't get this sorted out. So I need to have some kind of plan before next week so that I can get back on track. Ironically although I plan compulsively  (seriously it's part of my OCD) I have major problems following said plan for any consistent time frame. Probably because these plans involve stopping smoking, going to the gym, sorting out my diet, quitting drinking and losing weight all at the same time and long term.

Bad week this week - better next week