So I hate running, I mean really hate it, like would rather be doing anything (babysitting, making shit casserole, watching the X factor) rather than running. This begs the following questions WTF HAVE YOU DONE ENTERING A HALF MARATHON?? Well you see a very close friend of mine died last year and one of the last things she did was piss herself at the thought of me running a marathon. In fact I think her actual words were ' Jacq you do know its inappropriate to stop for a fag 5 mins in'. I'm the director of a charity and so many people have done amazing things for it that I thought it was time I put myself through the ringer to raise some funds.
I started off doing the whole no new clothes thing, but my other half was like 'Im not sponsoring you for that, its a piece of piss' (bear in mind he has 2 pairs of jeans a few t shirts and 3 hoodies and he point blank refuses to go shopping for anything that will adorn his person any more than once a year). He was right though, what a first world thing to do 'oh I wont buy any new clothes for a year' dickhead move. So I though what is the thing I hate more than anything else, in the world. RUNNING.
|What I want to look like|
I was being less than half serious about the marathon before (nah actually much less than that) Its running, I hate it. I'm overweight, a heavy smoker, borderline alcoholic and as fit as a contestant on the American 'Biggest Loser' (before they enter the house). Running is pretty much my own personal hell, so being as I obviously hate myself I have signed myself up for the Glasgow half marathon in September. I'm thinking that Ill just wear a celtic top in the rangers area and vice versa, maybe the imminent threat on my life will make me run faster? Anyways I've done it now like a twat and I have already started training. To date I can't run more than One Minute without literally collapsing I'm not even joking I have never made it past half a song. And I have to train where I live which is Tottenham - double shit
|What I actually look like|
So please sponsor me, this truly isn't something enjoyable, with literally every foot that hits the pavement my brain is going, 'f*%k this, stupid b£$%h, silly twat, hate hate, hate hate, heart attack, heart attack, smoke hag, Lungs exploding, die now' I honestly am doing the worst thing to myself ever I hate it. In fact I hate running more than I hate the Killer's Second Album, Sharks, Alexandra Burke's Slaughtering of Halleluia, Celebrity Culture, Eggs, Snakes and Bono combined (and believe me that's a lot of hate) so please give money to the charity and make it worth it. The charity does fantastic work and we have a fantastic team of people who can't go about the country and save peoples lives without the money. If we have no money people, particularly young vulnerable women will die. No joke. And that is what keeps driving me forward, if I have to run walk run that half marathon then I'll do it. So please please donate on my just giving page https://www.justgiving.com/fagashlil